I know... this is impossible to comprehend but I really am not wearing any shoes. It is extreme... radical... dangerous... and yes... completely out of step with the 21st Century. I am a savage. Caveman.... but.... you do not need to look at me with such horror.... I assure you. I will not kill you with my bare feet. I have traveled many miles barefoot and I cannot recall even one single death that was caused by it....so... I promise.... you are quite safe.
In fact, if I were to go on a shooting rampage, I would definitely don the requisite combat boots because... well... those shell cases are fucking hot. So, in fact, you are probably much safer with me in my bare feet. I am happier this way and much more at peace.
I know... after all these years of progress... it is completely wrong for me to behave this way. It is not normal and I really do wish I could be normal. Blend in... sterile... safe... common... but nature is so cruel. I have been given all these messy genes and chromosomes and have gone through all these millions of interactions and wound up nothing like normal... I am unique. An individual. Idiosyncratic. A freak even with thousands of features making me not at all like you including among them a complete lack of recognition of the need to always don some kind of footwear.
I know. It is very dangerous to touch the Earth. The Earth is all out to kill us all and every step I take is a total invitation to disaster. I know... I know... there are real hazards out there especially in the city where shod assholes find endless amusement in breaking bottles on the sidewalk. I could get hurt.... but I rarely do. In fact, have only seriously hurt my foot with my shoes on.
I understand your looks. This is 2008. We do not touch. Certainly not the Earth. That is why we cover it with a blanket of cement.... put floors over floors.... walls between walls... windows to keep out the wretched sky.... Please... for God's sake... do not touch me... do not even talk to me....
send me a text instead.
Someday soon we will be able to inject ourselves completely into the sterile mainframe and leave that most disturbing part of all nature.... our bodies. What a fucking relief that will be! These goddamn bodies are so annoying. They can never make up their mind. They either want to eat or take a shit, drink or piss.... and they are so obsessed about fucking.... what an horrible exchange of biohazards that is... a veritable nightmare of touching.... and more touching.
I look forward to that day when we all inject ourselves into the mainframe. I look forward to it because when all you get raptured I will certainly be left behind and I take a walk outside in my bare feet and you will not be there to look at me with horror... all those assholes will not be around to break their bottles on the sidewalk.... hell... with no more cops or prudes about I might just take off the rest of my clothes... treat my body to a joint... maybe I will run into someone else who is not afraid of the touching either... I would probably get along very well with this person... we might even fuck....
...but for today I am not wearing shoes and I do apologized for the nature that has made me this way. I apologize for all nature. I am sorry for wanting to touch and daring to touch in spite of your looks of horror.... but.... I do assure you.
I will not kill you with my bare feet.