to the lost souls of myspace...
I noticed that the "sponsored links" on my page are
all about the Bible. Apparently, they're timing their ads to coincide with
Easter. Go figure. Once again, them Christians are out to hijack another
holiday. This time our revered festival of the White Bunny and colorful
eggs. Now they're saying it is really the festival of the resurrected
I can let you all on a secret. About ten years ago I took some liquid LSD
and meditated in the nude under cascading waves of Greatful Dead bootlegs
and learned that I am the new Messiah. I had hoped that this would change
things for the better but, in fact, when I announced this to my friends they
simply laughed and told me to put something on. I spent a few days preaching
down on Mill Avenue but, in the end, I had to find a day job and I was only
able to be a Messiah part time. Eventually, I gave up on it altogether.
There's no money in it.
So, all you lost in myspace souls, I'll save you the trouble of studying the
Bible and having to go through life trying to be a good Christian. Don't
bother. As your Messiah I can assure that I don't care about you and I'm not
going to save you. I have enough trouble dragging my damn self through this