Alien Abduction Bio

John Whipple was just an ordinary son of TV repairman until the age of thirteen when he was abducted by aliens. This is how he described his harrowing experience under hypnosis...

"I was just hanging out on the corner of Ashley and 13th throwing rocks at cars when I saw some red and blue flashing lights approach me at high speed. Then it stopped suddenly and these blue alien giants grabbed me and took me into their craft. They took me to their world, Alienville, and I was raised by them until I was eighteen. I was frequently harassed and told to do things I would rather not do. At fourteen I was seduced by alien seductress Pamela 37 @ yahoo.com. Then I woke up one morning on someone's couch wet and sticky with a fierce headache. I never saw her again...."

John is said to be still in love and lusting for Pamela 37 @ yahoo.com. Some say he pays  hookers to don prosthetic triple breasts and six foot high heel shoes in a desperate attempt to reclaim the earlier ecstasies. Some theorize that there is more to their relationship than just kinky space sex...

Experts in Extra-Terrestrials claim that this inter-galactic union produced a spawn that has been planted on Earth to bring about the great invasion. They believe the half -Alien half -American is living in Texas and is already in politics. There is only one way to stop him. We must listen to Whipple's music.

These same experts report that a underground inter-galactic rebel group is communicating secret coded messages that could save our planet through Whipple's music. Scientists are only now beginning to crack the code. The encryption of the messages is very complicated. First you have to remove all the vowels from the lyrics. Then you take the consonants in reverse order and insert the vowels from the chords used in the arrangement. This combination is then printed out on a ink jet and then soaked into a tea which is drank by the scientists. So far, scientists have learned nothing, but they know much more than they did.

With Whipple's music, there is hope for the future of mankind, but we must listen to it now. Scientists say that the Hubble telescope has seen the Alien Armada massing on the dark side of the moon. We are running out of time.